Laughing at Cyclophobes

Seems like it’s my week for laughing at road rage and cyclophobes. I posted “Laughing at Road Rage” a couple of days ago, and then just a few minutes ago a rabid cyclophobe caused great hilarity for me and my entire family.

For those of you who don’t know, there’s this person on the web called Alex Tsakumis who writes horrific stories about trying to kill cyclists, while his kids are in the car. That in itself clearly is not funny (in fact it sounds like something Child Welfare and the police should be investigating).

But he also ponders why women don’t want to have sex with him … and if you do happen to have a look at his website, you’ll see a slideshow of photos of him, and get an insight into the workings of his mind – and you’ll probably be able to figure that mystery out pretty quickly. But my advice is, don’t bother – which is why I am not even posting a link.

In any event, I probably shouldn’t have bothered myself, but I guess I was bored and had nothing better to do, so I posted a comment. This was my comment (as near as I can remember):

Mmm, first time I have seen your wondrous, uplifting prose. I feel moved to quote Shakespeare:
“What a piece of work is a man, how noble in reason, how infinite in faculties, in form and moving how express and admirable, in action how like an angel, in apprehension how like a god! the beauty of the world, the paragon of animals” … although come to think of it, perhaps I should have truncated that at “What a piece of work …”
In any event, two comments:
1. You say “And then I got to thinking: If women are so good at multi-tasking, how come they can’t have a headache and sex at the same time?” Mmm … I suspect it has nothing to do with multi-tasking: most women are really discriminating about who they have sex with, and hate-filled bullies tend to be really low on their list.
2. I see you go out of your way to punish misbehaving cyclists by running them off the road with your big old car. So I’m wondering, when you see misbehaving motorists, do you also try to run them off the road, with your kids in the car? How about when drivers of buses and semi’s break the law – do you try to shove them into a ditch with your car, or jump out of your car and hit them with your little baseball bat? I suspect not, because bullies only attack the comparatively weak and defenseless, don’t they? So if for example my 9-year-old daughter broke some kind of law on her bike – say, forgot to signal a turn – then you’d be happy to ram her into a ditch with your car, thus teaching your lucky children another lesson in life. But if a driver of a semi made a dangerous and illegal move, I’m guessing you’re not going to be attacking him with your car, right?

In any event, that’s what I tried to post, wanting to see if he had the courage to post it (because I had noticed that he only publishes admiring posts). Unsurprisingly, he did not have the courage. Instead, this is the version he posted:

Mmm, first time I have seen your wondrous, uplifting prose. I feel moved to quote Shakespeare:
“What a piece of work is a man, how noble in reason, how infinite in faculties, in form and moving how express and admirable, in action how like an angel, in apprehension how like a god! the beauty of the world, the paragon of animals” … although come to think of it, perhaps I should have truncated that at “What a piece of work …”
In any event, two comments:
1. You say “And then I got to thinking: If women are so good at multi-tasking, how come they can’t have a headache and sex at the same time?” … (EDITED DUE TO PERSONAL ATTACK–TYPICAL OF CYCLING ANARCHISTS)
2. (EDITED SUE TO PROJECTION OF HATE AGAINST BLGO OWNER AND OFFENSIVE COMMENTS ABOUT PARENTING)

First I was really amused by his spelling. And I found it hilarious that while he can dish out abuse in bucket loads, he can’t take any criticism himself. But what really cracked us all up was his response to me:

AGT says:
And I, too, am moved to quote someone, specifically Rodney Dangerfield. “Why don’t you play hide and go f@#k yourself?”

We found it really funny that a guy who is so full of  hatred that he is training his kids to kill cyclists (and bragging about it on the internet) would get so angry at my (comparatively) mild critique. And I have to admit it pleased me that I had made him so angry – one small jab back on behalf of the cyclists he has attacked with his car!

But that’s it for me – just like I avoid keeping poison in my kitchen, I resolve not to ever again go to his poisonous web site … no matter how bored I get!